That evening at the Landing we had dinner at Cinco de Mayo, which claimed to be an authentic Mexican restaurant, but what did I know. Renee ordered chips, salsa and queso for us to munch on until our meals arrived and we all had sodas to drink. Renee had ordered an enchilada plate while Jacob and I decided to try the Especial Cinco do Mayo fajitas which came with beef, rib, chorizo, shrimp, grilled chicken and grilled steak served with a side of rice, beans, lettuce, pico de gallo, guacamole, sour cream and tortillas. As usual, I only ate a bit of the grilled chicken and my rice and beans while Jacob ate everything else. Thankfully Jacob kept my mother chatting away so that she didn’t notice just how much my boyfriend could pack away.
After dinner, Renee took us to Friendship Fountain at St. Johns River Park where we spent a while leaning against the railings as we watched the play of lights in the huge fountain. Eventually Jacob moved to stand behind me, wrapping his upper body around mine, shielding me from the slight breeze that seemed to be blowing through the area. I leaned back into his warmth, enjoying the colors in the water as he held me close to him.
Soon we went to sit at a picnic table, enjoying the night and the views of the river and downtown Jacksonville, while Renee told us a little about the park and some of Jacksonville’s history. She had always been like that, learning as much as she could about the places she moved to or visited, it was just her nature to do so.
When she began to yawn, we decided it was time to go home and get some sleep after the long day we had. By the time we had arrived to the house, even Jacob was dragging his feet as I helped him with the sofa bed before kissing him goodnight then going to my room. As soon as I had changed, I crashed on the bed and was out like a light, just like everyone else in the house was.
**************************************
We all woke up late Sunday morning and had a quick breakfast of cereal before deciding to go back to the beach one last time. Since it was our last day there, Jacob and I told Renee we just wanted to hang out at the beach and the house to relax a bit since it would be back to school for us the following day. At the beach, I got in the water for a little bit, but spent most of my time lying on a blanket with Renee.
Jacob split his time between the water and the blanket until Renee and I decided it was time to head back to the house. Jacob helped us pack up, but said he was going to do a few more laps in the water before joining us at the house. So, Renee and I returned by ourselves and sat on the patio to talk while Jacob was at the beach. Little did I know it was Renee’s way of trying to talk to me without my boyfriend being there to hear it.
“So,” she began once we were comfortable on the lounge chairs. “I like him, Bella. He’s really good for you.” She paused as she tried to find the right words. “He fits you.”
I blinked. “He does?”
She smiled and nodded. “Yes. I know you can’t see it, but when you’re with him, you seem much more relaxed. More comfortable in your own skin. It’s really nice to see you that way, you know. Jacob really brings out the best in you. He helps you act like the teenager you are, instead of the adult you were with me.”
When I snapped my head towards her, she gave me a knowing grin. “Yes sweetheart, I know how you were the one taking care of me back in Phoenix until Phil came along. I’m sorry for that Bella. I think I was trying to make up for what I missed since your father and I had to grow up so young. I’m not using that as an excuse really, but I do know I just wasn’t being a real mother to you like I should have been. I’m just glad that you have the chance to just be your age for once. There’s plenty of time for you to grow up and make plans for your future.”
I smiled. “Thanks mom, but I just…I mean…I don’t regret it…living with you, I mean.”
Renee reached out and gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “I know Bella, I don’t regret it either, but I wanted you to know that.”
I nodded as she removed her hand and gave me a bigger smile. “Speaking of making plans…have you thought about what you’re going to do once you graduate?”
I sighed. I had wondered if this subject was going to come up or not. Even Charlie seemed to be asking that more and more as the day of my graduation got closer. Still, I was honest with my answer.
“I’m not quite sure yet.”
She sat up a little and turned her body to give me her full attention. “Do you want to talk about it honey?”
I shrugged. “I’ve been thinking of my options really. I want to go to college, but I’m not sure where I want to go yet or even what I want to go to college for.”
Renee nodded. “Have you applied to any colleges yet?”
“Yes, but I did it rather late so I don’t really expect a lot of replies. I’m thinking of just taking a year off to work and earn more money for college. That way, I can just apply early for the following fall semester.”
“That’s not a bad idea. That way you can get into the college you want to.”
“Yeah.”
“You do know that the first year of college is usually just basic courses? I’ve heard most students don’t choose their major…is it…until their second or third year in.”
I gave her a look that reminded her of who I was. “Mom! Do you really think I could go through a year of college without a clue of why I’m there?”
Renee laughed. “Okay, okay. I know, you always have to have a plan. But honey, sometimes you have to take life one day at a time. You know nothing is set in stone and there’s always something that can come along that creates a fork in the road. When that happens, you just make adjustments. Look at your father and I, for example.
We didn’t plan on having you and getting married so early, but we did and we adjusted. Your father more so than I, but that’s life. It just took me longer to get where I wanted to be, but here I am now and I’m happy with the way things turned out. I think that’s what matters in the end really.”
I nodded, but didn’t say anything in response. Her words were eerily familiar. I knew they were the same words I had told Angela that day we had done our homework together at her house. How ironic that the shoe was now on the other foot. Maybe it was time I took my own advice. After all, I once told Jacob and myself that I had to let things happen as naturally as possible.
Sometimes old habits really did die hard.
“At least you have one more year to think about it honey,” said Renee, pulling me from my thoughts before I lost myself in them completely.
“Yeah,” I replied, a bit distant still.
Renee was quiet for a moment before she spoke again. “Have you talked about this with your dad? Or Jacob?”
I looked out at the distant ocean as I answered her. “Dad’s seen the brochures I have at home. He knows I’ve applied to some colleges, but we haven’t really talked about it.”
“Really? Well, you should tell him about this Bella, don’t wait until the last minute. Are you worried that he won’t understand?”
I shrugged. “I think he expects me to start this fall.”
“All the more reason to tell him now. I don’t think he’ll be upset if you keep him informed of your plans. Really Bella, your father just wants to make sure you have thought about your future, even if your plan’s not a solid one yet.”
When I just nodded, she asked, “Do you want me to talk to him?”
The little girl in me was screaming yes, but I wouldn’t let her out. “No mom, it’s okay. I’ll talk to dad soon.”
She smiled. “Okay then. So, what about Jacob? I know he’s still got a couple of years to go, so how’s that gonna work out for you two?”
Again I stared out at the ocean.
“Bella?”
I bit my bottom lip. “We haven’t talked about it, really.”
She gave me a worried look. “Is there a reason?”
“Not really. We just haven’t talked about it. We kind of take things one day at a time. Plus, I don’t really know what I want to do, so why talk to anyone about it unless I have a better plan…”
“Oh Bella! It doesn’t matter if you have a plan or not. Just talk to him about this because you’re thinking of it. If you are taking things one day at a time, the point is for you to tell him what’s on your mind that day.”
I ran a hand through my salty, sun-dried hair. “I know mom!”
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “It’s okay, Bella. I can see that you are worried about his feelings, but if he’s anything like his mom was, and I believe he is, he’ll be strong enough to deal with it. He seems to be very understanding and level-headed like Sarah was. I’ll bet he could even help you figure out what you want to do too.”
I stared at Renee in amazement. She was so confident that Jacob would be able to help me figure out my life. She had only just met him, yet somehow she got it. She got that Jacob was the kind of person someone like me could depend on…but that was the problem.
I was trying not to depend on him.
Renee patted my arm as she got up from the lounge chair. “Just be honest with him, okay? Now enough talk, I’m going to go shower. You and Jacob want sandwiches for lunch today?”
“Sure, sandwiches are good.”
She gave me a smile before going inside to take her shower. I gathered up my things and decided to go take my own shower before Jacob returned, that way I wouldn’t be holding him up. I dropped my things off in the room and gathered my bath supplies and a fresh set of clothing before going to take my shower.
I actually took my time showering, trying to make sure I got all of the sand, lotion and beach out of my hair and skin. I figured by the time I got out, Renee would already be in the kitchen attempting to make sandwiches, but she was still in the shower. Jacob, however, was back and sitting on the living room floor watching television.
He looked up at me and gave me a hesitant smile as I came into the room. “You done with the shower?”
“Yeah, it’s all yours.”
“Great.” He jumped up and walked over to me, handing me the remote before placing a quick kiss on my cheek.
He headed to the bathroom as I called out, “Oh hey, how’s sandwiches for lunch?”
“Sure, sure,” he replied as he stepped into the bathroom and shut the door.
I turned the TV off then turned to frown at the bathroom door. That was weird. Something seemed a little off about Jacob, but I had no idea what it was. Maybe he was just that anxious to take a shower, but somehow I doubted that was it. Knowing I wasn’t going to get an answer until later, I shrugged it off and went to the kitchen to begin making sandwiches.
Renee soon joined me and by the time we had fixed all of the sandwiches, chips and lemonade, Jacob was done with his own shower. The three of us ate our lunch in front of the TV, watching cartoons until Renee said she was going to lay down for a while. After she left, I waited for a few moments, watching Jacob out of the corner of my eye.
We were sitting on the couch now, side by side pretending to watch cartoons.
Well, I was pretending.
I had thought Jacob was pretending until he laughed at something the cartoon did. I knew it was a real laugh because his face lit up the way it always did with my favorite smile and his laughter was deep enough to shake the couch.
He looked at me as he finished laughing. “You okay, Bells? You seem a little preoccupied.”
I blinked. He was asking me what I had wanted to ask him a few minutes ago.
“I’m okay. How about you? Tired from all of the sun yet?”
He chuckled. “Nah, I’m good.”
I nodded as he draped his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into his side. He nuzzled my hair as he asked in a near whisper, “When does Phil’s flight get here again?”
“I think in about two hours.”
“Hm…shouldn’t Renee be on her way to pick him up soon then?”
“She’ll probably leave in about another hour, it’s not too far from here and she said traffic’s not so bad on a Sunday.”
“Okay,” he replied as he leaned back into the couch to continue watching TV.
I arched an eyebrow at him. “What’s going on Jake?”
He tore his gaze from the cartoon. “Huh? Nothing, why?”
“You’ve been kind of quiet since you got back from the beach and all you’ve managed to say is when is my mom going to pick up Phil. What gives?”
He chuckled quietly. “Okay, maybe I did get too much sun. As for your mom, I just didn’t want her to oversleep and be late to pick up her husband, that’s all.”
“Really?”
“Really, Bella.” He leaned over to kiss my lips before sitting back to watch TV again.
The kiss was a lingering one, but it didn’t get too intimate and despite knowing there was nothing wrong with it, I still thought Jacob wasn’t telling me everything. I let it go since Jacob seemed to relax and was laughing at the cartoon again.
Renee actually came out of her room about thirty minutes later completely dressed and ready to head to the airport. She told us she should be back in about two hours with Phil and if we needed anything to give her a call on her cell. She even let me check it to make sure it was fully charged and ready to go.
I walked her to the door where she winked at me and whispered, “Talk to him. And don’t do anything that will make your father hunt me or Jacob down, okay?”
I blushed. “Mom!”
She chuckled. “See you in a few.”
I watched her walk to her car and waited until she drove off before I went back inside. Jacob was still watching cartoons, but he gave me a smile and lifted his arm so I could curl up next to him. We sat there for a while watching until the current cartoon was over.
As it went to commercial, Jacob picked up the remote and turned down the volume before setting it back down on the coffee table. He wrapped both arms around my waist and tugged me a little closer to him as he nuzzled my hair. I could feel him breathing in my scent as I knew he liked to do.
I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his shoulder, enjoying the ever present warmth that he provided. “Mm, this is nice.”
I could feel his smile against my temple where his lips had trailed to. “Yeah, it is.”
One of his arms was across the front of my waist, but the other moved up my back until I could feel his hand on my arm. He rubbed my arm leisurely as he pressed his lips to my temple in a soft kiss, making me sigh. Then his lips began to trail the same soft kisses down my face until he reached my ear and nipped at it.
That action made me smile until he took my lobe into his mouth and began sucking on it. I could feel chills traveling down my spine as he let go of my lobe and ran his tongue over the shell of my ear.
I swallowed. “J...Jake…”
“Hm?” came his murmured reply right before his lips found an incredibly sensitive spot behind my ear.
I shuddered and I knew he could feel it. His smile against my neck confirmed it as he continued to nibble his way over my neck and jaw. I was already so caught up in what his mouth was doing to me that I didn’t realize his hands had moved to my hips so he could turn me towards him.
Then he was cupping my face as his lips captured mine in the first real kiss we’d had all day. I welcomed the kiss, suddenly realizing I had been starved for it. I let my arms wrap around his shoulders as one hand buried itself in his thick hair to hold him close to me. It was my way of letting him know I wanted this.
I parted my lips and teased his tongue with mine, inviting him into my mouth. I moaned when he accepted my invitation and let his tongue dance with mine. As the kiss deepened, he tugged me closer to him and began lowering us both to the couch.
I knew it would be a couple of hours before Renee returned with Phil, so there didn’t seem to be any harm in spending some time just kissing my boyfriend. I let myself get lost in his kiss, enjoying the way his warm weight felt against my body. I moaned again as his tongue and lips wreaked havoc on my jaw and throat, then nearly lost it when he sucked on my collarbone.
I sucked air into my suddenly starved lungs as his hand moved beneath my shirt where his warm fingers made soft trails up my ribs to the underside of my breast. As soon as his fingers brushed against it, I jerked my eyes open with a gasp.
“Jake!”
He lifted his head, letting me see his darkened gaze beneath the hooded lids before he kissed me again. I tried to break the kiss until I felt his hand cup my breast, making me squeak in surprise. My hands moved to his shoulders, trying to push him away until his thumb rubbed my sensitive nipple through my bra.
At that point, I swear my eyes rolled back into my head and I moaned into his mouth, making him tease my hardening tip even more. I forgot all about pushing him away and my hands slid over his shoulders and down his back of their own accord. I could feel his body settling between my thighs and once again my own body instinctually reacted. My hips lifted and rubbed against his stomach, making him groan.
His hand molded to my breast and applied a gentle squeeze to it. My body responded by arching into his touch, only spurring him on. As his hand continued to knead and shape the small swell, his tongue seduced another moan from my mouth.
My body was no longer my own as it responded to Jacob’s seductive touch. It arched, writhed and did its best to mold itself to his rapidly heating body as if it was starved for his touch. I couldn’t think, could only feel, and that in itself was a scary thought to the rational side of me. Despite my body not being under my control, a little piece of my mind screamed at me to stop this before it got out of hand.
Deep inside I knew this wasn’t the time or place to get so intimate with Jacob. Just because Renee said she would probably be gone about two hours, didn’t mean that’s how long she would really be. She could easily be walking through that door at any minute.
Still, my body refused to cooperate as it shifted beneath Jacob’s, allowing him to move his hand to my other breast to give it the same attention he’d given the first. I didn’t even realize he had lifted my shirt up to expose my bra-covered chest to the room since his body provided the necessary warmth and cover I needed. My own hands had moved beneath his shirt, lifting it up slightly so that my hands could caress the hot skin of his back.
His mouth nibbled its way from my neck to my collarbone again, then dipped into the valley between my breasts. I whimpered when I felt his hot breath against my skin as his fingers tugged at my bra cup, moving it down to expose me to his gaze.
The moment his thumb touched my bare tip, sense seemed to return as my brain suddenly seized control of my body. No longer writhing in the throes of ecstasy, my body was bucking and pushing against his in an attempt to get him off of me.
“Jake!” I panted as I planted my hands against his chest and pushed as hard as I could. “Jacob, stop!”
I felt him sigh as he lowered his forehead to my chest while the rest of his body went still. At least he had heard me since my attempts at pushing him off of me were hopeless against his strength.
“Why?” he whispered.
I blinked. “What?”
He lifted his head to look at me and I saw the myriad of emotions swimming in his eyes.
“Why are we stopping? Your mom won’t be back for two hours…”
“Maybe…”
“And even if they’re early I’d hear them driving up…”
“But…”
“What the hell are you so afraid of?” he snapped.
“Jake…”
He finally moved off of me, standing up and smoothing down his rumpled clothing as he narrowed his eyes at me. “It’s like you don’t want to be close to me at all. Like there’s something else stopping you from being with me.”
I shook my head as I rearranged my clothing. “Don’t…”
“What are you hiding Bells? I thought we agreed to be honest with each other?”
I gaped at him. My mouth began opening and closing like a fish out of water. Did he know, I briefly wondered, what Renee and I had talked about?
He ran an agitated hand through his hair. “You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
I swung my legs off of the couch. “There’s nothing to tell.”
I could see his hands balling up into fists from the corner of my eye.
“You’re lying,” he hissed.
“Jake…”
“Don’t!” he snapped. “We agreed Bella! And I’m keeping my word! You know how I feel about you and you know I want to be close to you. I’m not saying we have to go all the way, but a little more intimacy would be nice. I thought we would be beyond just kissing by now, but whatever it is you’re keeping from me seems to be getting in the way.”
I stood up, feeling a little rattled that he felt that way. “I thought we agreed to take this one day at a time?”
“We agreed to let this happen naturally and for me, this is natural,” he stabbed his finger towards the ground to make a point.
I sighed. “Trying to take my clothes off on my mother’s couch is natural?”
He threw his hands in the air. “I’m a teenage boy, what do you expect? Any normal teenage boy would be trying to make out with his girlfriend!”
I frowned. “You’re not just a normal boy, Jake.”
He growled.
He actually growled at me. “Don’t change the subject, Bella! What gives?”
“Nothing! I told you! We need to…”
He held up his hand and this time I could see it trembling. My eyes went wide.
“Enough with the excuses, Bella,” he growled as he began to back away from me. “When you’re ready to tell me the truth, we’ll talk. I’m going for a run on the beach.”
With that, he pivoted and strode angrily to the patio door. I flinched as it slid open with a loud screech, indicating that Jacob was using way too much force on it. He left it open as he swiftly moved across the patio and leapt over the stairs to the ground before he took off at a run.
I stood there for a few moments trying to compose myself before I went to close the patio door. I had no idea how he knew that there was something I hadn’t talked to him about, but that wasn’t the reason why I had stopped him from going further on the couch. In fact, I honestly couldn’t say why I had done that.
Was it just panic? Was I really not ready? My body certainly seemed ready with the way it had responded to him, but my mind wasn’t on the same page. Why was that?
I returned to the couch and plopped down, clearly upset that I had hurt Jacob.
Again.
I knew he was right. He was just a teenage boy wanting to be with his girlfriend. There was nothing wrong with that. So why wasn’t I acting like a normal teenage girl letting her cute boyfriend have his way with her?
Was I really that damaged? That messed up? Why was it that every time Jacob tried to get close to me, I pushed him away? It was an instinct that I was truly beginning to despise.
Now that I could sit there and think, there just wasn’t any reason I could think of why I kept doing that. I liked the way Jacob made me feel. I was attracted to him.
I sighed as I closed my eyes and remembered the feel of his hands on me. The way he kissed me. My body shivered in response.
Yeah, I wanted him. So why did I tell him to stop? I kept going through everything over and over again until I had become frustrated with myself.
That was the state I was in when Renee returned home with Phil in tow, but I quickly but on a smile as I hugged Phil and welcomed him home. Renee asked where Jacob was and I told her he’d gone for a run on the beach because he preferred the outdoors to being cooped up in the house.
So Phil excused himself to unpack and relax a bit and I told Renee I was going to pack my things to be ready to leave soon. She knew how I was about those kinds of things, so she left me to it and I retreated to the room. I stayed there even after I had finished all of my packing, trying to figure myself out and how I was going to apologize to Jacob.
Before I knew it, Renee was knocking on my door asking me if I was ready because she and Phil were taking us out to an early dinner before we went to the airport. I came out with my bag and noticed that Jacob was also dressed and ready to go.
Needless to say, the ride to the restaurant was awkward for me, but Jacob seemed to be in good spirits as he talked baseball with Phil. I did my best to stay with the conversation during dinner, smiling and laughing at the appropriate times so as not to let Renee see that something had happened between Jacob and I. By the time dinner was over and we were back in the car on the way to the airport, I could feel the tension in my shoulders weighing me down.
Jacob and I didn’t get a chance to talk until we were alone on the plane heading back to Washington, complete with gifts from Renee. Mine was a graduation gift which still sat unopened in my bag just like the parting gift Renee had given to Jacob sat in his, in the compartment above our heads.
For the moment, those gifts were forgotten as I waited for the plane to take off and the seatbelt sign to go off. As soon as it did, I turned to Jacob intending to try to apologize, but he beat me to it.
“Bells…I’m…I’m sorry for getting upset with you…”
I shook my head. “No Jake, you had every right to be upset. I get that you wanted to be close, I want it too and I know you wouldn’t have done anything I wasn’t ready for.”
He looked up into my eyes as he took my hand in his. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have pushed you though.”
I ran my fingers through his hair. “You didn’t. I don’t know why I panic every time we get close…I wish I wouldn’t! Jacob…I need you to know, I want to be close to you. I want it so much!”
I knew he could tell that I meant it from the tone of my voice and the way my fingers clung to his own fingers and hair.
He sighed as he leaned his forehead against mine. “It’s okay honey. We’ll figure this out together, okay?”
“Okay,” I breathed. Then added, “I trust you, Jacob. I just want you to know that I trust you.”
He smiled. “Thanks Bells. I’m glad.”
He gave me a tender kiss, then wrapped his arm around me so that we were leaning against each other comfortably. We remained that way for the rest of the plane ride home.
A/N: Just thought this was an interesting tidbit...the designer of Friendship Fountain is named Taylor Hardwick. So if you know your Twilight series trivia, Taylor is the first name of the actor who portrayed Jacob Black and Hardwick is the last name of the director of the first movie in the series, Twilight. Actor, Taylor Lautner. Director, Catherine Hardwick.
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