Chapter 8: College, Leeches and Wolves. Issues? What Issues?

Author's Note: Because I had a hard time trying to get into Jacob's head, I had a couple of pre-readers for this chapter. Thanks to tayjayfan and Kraftychik for their help on this! :D

(JPOV)

There was an annoying pounding in my head that just wouldn’t go away. Groaning, I yanked my pillow over my head and sighed when it seemed to help lessen the discomfort. Just as I was about to drift back to sleep, the pounding started up again.

Well, damn. That’s what I get for going to sleep upset. I thought.

I remembered crawling into my bed, feeling miserable over seeing my mom’s photographs while wishing Bella was with me. Because of that, I had spent the night tossing and turning, trying to keep more misery from dragging me down any more than it already had. I’d been so frustrated at one point that I’d wondered if taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills would work against that oh-so-fabulous wolf gene of mine.

In the end, I’d managed to get some sleep, but now with this pounding, it looked like sleep was once more a passing dream.

“Jacob?” came a faint voice, which suddenly made me realize that the pounding had stopped. “Jacob, are you home? I can see your bike and car out here.”

I sat up with a start at the sound of Bella’s voice. Bella was here! She was outside my front door, calling for me!

Scrambling out of the sheets, I hurried out of the bed, nearly tripping in the process. Growling at the edge of the sheet that was still wrapped around my ankle, I called out to her.

“I’m coming, Bella! Give me a sec!”

Again I could hear her faint voice. “Okay.”

I yanked the sheet away from my ankle and shoved it back onto the bed before grabbing a pair of shorts and a shirt from the dresser. Rushing into the bathroom, I began putting my clothes on with one hand while trying to run my fingers through my hair, then brushed my teeth with the other hand.

Yeah, ambidextrous is me.

As I ran through the living room, I glanced at the clock to see that it was almost 12:30 in the afternoon. 12:30? Geez, only Bella would think that was a late enough time to wake someone like me up!

Without even thinking about it, I yanked the front door open and grinned at Bella, so happy that she was there. It wasn’t until I realized that she wasn’t looking up at me that my smile started to fade. I could hear my dad’s wheelchair coming down the hallway, so I held up a finger to Bella, to tell her to wait a moment before going to meet my dad.

“Hey,” I greeted him as he rolled into the living room, “I’m gonna go to the garage for a little bit, you need me to do anything before I go?”

Dad’s eyes moved to the door for a moment before returning to mine. He gave me an understanding smile before shaking his head. “I’m good, son. You go on ahead.”

“Okay, well holler if you need me, I’ll hear you.”

He waved me off as he wheeled himself into the kitchen, nodding at Bella along the way with an, “Afternoon, Bella.”

I waited until he was in the kitchen before motioning to Bella to follow me to the garage. As we walked along in silence, I could see her hands fiddling with the bottom of the light jacket she wore. It was cold enough outside that it would affect her, but my higher-than-normal body temperature made me feel as if I should have worn a wife-beater instead of the t-shirt I was wearing.

Once we were inside the garage, I went to the workbench where I kept all of my tools, picking up a wrench, trying to look busy in order to give Bella some time to get herself together. The awkward silence stretched between us for a few, long moments before I finally heard her sigh.

“Jacob, I’m…” she paused as I turned around to face her, the wrench still in my hand. I watched her shuffle from side to side for a few moments as she bit her bottom lip in nervousness.

Suddenly, I was totally focused on that lip, forgetting for the moment that we were at odds with each other. She had no idea what that lip-biting did to me…well, if she was looking at the front of my shorts, I’m sure she would. After all, I did tell her that I was a hormonal teenage guy, come on now!

I was in the process of licking my own lip when her voice broke through my musings.

“Jake? Did you hear what I said?”

I blinked. “Huh?”

She blushed, then swallowed before trying again. “Um, I wanted…I mean, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was so…defensive towards you yesterday. After you left, I thought about everything that was said, and I realized I was a little mean to you.”

I dropped the wrench back on the bench before I walked over to sit on one of the crates that I used as chairs in the garage. Sitting down, I ran a hand through my hair, trying to collect my thoughts.

Bella sat down on the crate next to mine with a sigh. “Look, I just wanted to come make some things clear because I don’t like leaving things as they are. I want you to know that I do want to go to college, but not for another year at least. I need time to save up some money so that I can afford to go. Mom and dad are lending me some, but I still need more, so I figured I would work another year first.”

I nodded. “Right, but you quit working at Newton’s.”

“Yeah, because of Victoria. I was sort of hoping she would go away by the time I could find another job that could pay me more than Newton’s could, plus I wanted the new job to do more with whatever I was going to college for.”

She stopped talking long enough to give me a lop-sized grin. “Wishful thinking, huh?”

I shrugged. “Not really, we all want the lee…I mean, the Victoria problem to go away already. She’s annoying the hel…heck out of us.”

I saw her grin widen at my near slip ups, but I continued on. “So, what exactly are you going to college for?”

“I dunno, really. I’m thinking I might take some business courses…or maybe major in literature. I still have a year to figure it out, I guess.”

“Okay,” I nodded, before asking a question I’ve been dreading the answer to. “Have you thought about…I mean, do you have any particular colleges in mind?”

Again she gave a shrug. “Honestly, right now I’m not really looking forward to leaving the Forks area, especially if Victoria remains at large. But I also like being close to Charlie and home. I’ve only been here a couple of years and I’m not ready to leave yet. So maybe I’ll look into one of the local colleges if I can.”

I didn’t say anything for a few moments as I thought back to the conversation Embry and I had the day after I had gotten back from Florida. He had seen the problem in my mind as we were patrolling after school. As soon as he realized what the problem was, he told me there could be a simple solution to it. Once he had explained it all to me, then took me to the library the next day to show me online, I knew I had to tell Bella about this.

Now was as good a time as any. “Bells, did you know you could probably just take all of your college courses online without ever having to leave Forks?” When her head snapped up to look at me, I knew I had her. “Embry told me a little about it and even showed some of it to me online when we were at the library. He says it’s really easy to do and lots of people are finding it more convenient to take courses online instead of sitting in a classroom miles away from home.”

Her eyes were so wide in amazement by the time I was done. “Really? How does that work exactly?”

I couldn’t help but smile at her sudden curiosity. “I’m still a little clueless about this, but if you want, I could get Embry to meet with us later. He’s really good at computers and he knows a lot about this online college thing. He could really help you out, Bells. He said he wouldn’t mind talking to you about it.”

I waited for her to say something, watching as she chewed on her lip as she thought about it. Secretly, I was prepared to beg her to see Embry about the online courses since it would be a way for her to stay in Forks. Yeah, so I was trying to use any means necessary to keep Bella from leaving. Who could really blame me? I’d do anything to keep the girl I loved at my side, even if it seemed a little underhanded.

Finally she nodded. “You know, Jake, I think I’d like to meet with Embry. I’m definitely curious to see if there’s a way that I could stay home and take college courses through the internet. I know Charlie would love it too.”

I didn’t stop the smile from spreading over my face. “Really? That’s great! Um, I’ll talk to Embry while we’re patrolling this afternoon and then I’ll give you a call to set up some time to get together. I’m pretty sure he’ll want to meet at your house, so he can show you what to do on your computer. He’ll want to get you set up so you can browse on your own later.”

Bella nodded. “That will work. Tell him thanks for doing this for me, okay?”

“Sure, sure.”

We lapsed into silence once more while I tried to figure out just how to go about bringing up the subject of our relationship without sending her running again. I knew I wanted to talk to her about it until she finally relented and realized that I meant every word I had told her so far.

I was still trying to figure out how to start the conversation, when she suddenly spoke up. “Jake? Um, I was just wondering. I mean, I understand if you can’t tell me anymore, but I was wondering if there were anymore wolf…things that you haven’t told me about yet? You know, besides…imprinting.”

I shrugged. “Not really. I think you know pretty much everything by now. I mean, you know about the extra strength we have, even in human form. I can run faster and my senses are better than normal humans.”

“Even in human form?”

“Yep. I can smell and hear things about a mile away. That’s why I always told you I would know when Charlie was on his way home, with my superior senses, he can’t sneak up on me.”

She smirked at me. “Must be nice to always be able to win at games like hide-n-seek.”

I chuckled. “Sure, sure. I’d also probably win every relay race I enter, unless it was against another wolf.”

Her smirk turned into a grin. “Yeah right, cheater.”

“What? It’s the truth! Not that I’d do it, but it’s possible. Anyway, besides our enhanced senses and the speed, we can also heal faster than humans. That’s not to say we can’t be injured severely, because we can. But if I got a cut or a bruise, for instance, it would be gone within a few hours.”

Her eyes went wide. “No way! Ugh, must be nice not to have to go to the hospital all the time.”

I wiggled my eyebrows at her. “Hey! I’d give anything to be fussed over by one of those nurses in a little white uniform.”

She gasped. “Jake! You are so bad!”

I shrugged. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”

She shook her head at my immaturity before saying. “Okay, so anything else about being a wolf that I should know?”

I sighed. “Well, I know you noticed how we all look older than we are.”

“Yeah, not to mention that you went from scrawny, klutzy kid to buff god overnight.”

I smirked at her.

She blinked. “What?”

“Buff god huh? Shall I get half-naked so you can admire my physique some more?”

She blushed as she rolled her eyes. “Really Jacob! Stop changing the subject!”

“What for? I happen to like this topic. Hello! Hormonal teenage boy here!” I said while pointing at myself.

She waved her hands around in a flustered way. “Jake, can we just get back on track? What is it about your age that you have to tell me about?”

I was still smiling over her actions. She was so adorable when she was flustered and embarrassed. “Okay, well when we first begin phasing, our bodies tend to mature until we look like we’re somewhere in our mid-twenties. Once we hit that point, we stop aging, staying that way so long as we continue to phase. So we never get older again until we let go of our wolf, so to speak. Once we make that choice, we can’t be a wolf again and our body begins to age like normal.”

She frowned. “Are you saying that if you continue to phase for the next twenty years, you’ll still look the same as you do now? That even though you will be around thirty-seven, you’ll still look around twenty-five?”

I nodded. “Yeah, if I stop phasing when I’m fifty, I’ll still look twenty-five. But once I stop phasing, I’ll start aging.”

“Geez! So you’ll be a fifty-year-old in the body of a twenty-five year old? How long would that last then?”

“I think, from what we understand, once we stop phasing, our bodies will just naturally begin to age again. It won’t be like we go to bed looking twenty-five and wake up looking fifty. It’ll be a gradual process.”

She threw her hands up in exasperation. “Oh great! So being a wolf just adds longevity to your life. How is it fair that you get to live longer than normal humans?’

I scowled at her. “Bella, it’s not like I chose this, remember?”

She huffed as she folded her arms over her chest. “Yeah, yeah, I know.” She shook her head. “I’m not upset about that. Not really. I mean, there was a time when I thought I wanted to be seventeen forever, but not anymore.”

When she suddenly paused, I glanced up at her to see that she appeared to be thinking hard about something. Then she sighed before finishing her thought. “But then I thought about who I would leave behind if I never grew old, how awkward and sad I would feel, you know? I realized that to do something like that, I would have to tell lies and keep secrets, things that would not only hurt others, but would hurt me in the long run.

I just knew I didn’t want to do that to the people that mattered…like Charlie…or…or you. I just knew that there was so much I still wanted to do that I wouldn’t be able to do if I…if I…”

I reached out and took her hand in mine, hoping she wouldn’t pull away. When she didn’t, I gave it a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay, Bells. I know what you mean. I don’t like the fact that I could outlive everyone either, so I’m hoping I won’t have to remain a wolf for long.”

She looked up at me with a grateful smile. “Yeah, but at least the reason why you are a wolf is a very noble one.”

When I saw the look of pride in her eyes, I knew she meant what she said. She didn’t resent me for the things I could do because I was a wolf. Yet she understood the sacrifices I was making, she understood there was both a good and bad side to it.

Once again, I was so grateful that I could share my world with her, with my best friend. With that thought, I remembered Renee’s gift.

“Oh! Wait a sec! I have something to show you! Be right back!”

Before she could say anything, I rushed out of the garage and into my house. My dad was watching television as I flew by, but he didn’t even look up as I continued to my room. I picked up the photo album from where it was still laying on the floor by my bed, then rushed back out to the garage.

Bella was still sitting where I’d left her, eyes flitting around the area. When I entered, she looked at me, waiting as I sat back down next to her.

I gave her a smile as I said, “I finally unpacked last night and found your mom’s gift to me. I thought it’d be nice to show it to you.”

With that, I handed the album to her, waiting for her reaction to it. I watched as she opened the cover to see the words written there. Then she began to flip through the pages of the photos of my mom. She gasped a few times over some of them or smiled wistfully at others.

Yet, by the time she was done looking through it all, I could see the shine in her eyes. It took her a few moments to gather herself together before she reached out her hand to take mine.

Giving my hand a squeeze, she smiled at me. “I had no idea Renee even had these, Jake, but I’m glad she gave them to you.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m glad too. I just…I wanted to share it with you so we could remember together, you know.”

I took the book from her, found the picture of us playing in the yard and showed it to her with a smile. “See the look on mom’s face? Even she knew we’d always be friends.”

Bella gave a soft chuckle. “Hm, probably because I’m the only one who made mud pies for you to eat.”

I grinned. “I guess I knew someday you would make the kind we can really eat.”

Our eyes met over the album and we shared a secret smile. Memories of our lives together passed between us. I could feel that thread strengthening some more. This time, I couldn’t deny it, so I lifted my hand to caress her cheek.

“I miss you, Bells,” I whispered.

She closed her eyes with a swift intake of breath, but after a moment she leaned into my hand. I started to smile until she pulled away with a shake of her head.

“Jake…”

“Bells,” I interrupted, “Can you just hear me out? Please?”

She sighed as she looked up into my eyes, “Go ahead.”

I curled my fingers with hers, still keeping my gaze locked with hers. “I don’t want to lose you, Bella. We’ve been friends for too long.”

She was nodding, which meant she agreed with me. I stopped long enough for her to add her comment. “I feel the same way, Jake. I miss being your friend. I liked that we could talk so easily with each other, that you always knew what I was thinking.”

I smiled wider. “Yeah, I like that too, but there’s more to us than that. Our being close friends, it’s the basis of our relationship, but we are so much more than that.”

She began to frown, so I continued. “Remember when I told you that I would never hurt you? That night we went to see the movie? I meant it then and I mean it now. I wish I could tell you why I know it’s true. Why I know I’ll never hurt you or leave you. Whatever this is between us, it’s strong. Stronger than any mythical voodoo shit that’s out there. All I can say is that you have to trust me. It’s not just me that feels this way. My wolf feels it too.”

She stared at me as if I were speaking in Quileute. “Your wolf feels what too?”

“Whatever this connection is between us. It’s not just me telling you how I feel, Bells. My wolf feels the same way about you as I do.”

She shook her head. “Jake, I don’t understand.”

“I know you don’t and I’m trying my best to explain it, it’s just hard.”

She looked up at me as I begged her with my eyes, not to contradict me. She wasn’t listening. “Listen Jake, maybe…maybe we should just keep being best friends. We’ve never had a problem with that at least.”

I gaped at her. “What? Have you not been listening to me?”

“Yes, but…”

“Bella, I can’t go back to being just friends! I can’t! Why can’t you try to understand this? My wolf doesn’t want to be just your friend either. You are all he sees. You’re it for us. You’re all we could ever want.”

By this time, I was on my feet, so I grabbed her by her upper arms and pulled her to my chest. “Whatever this is, it’s stronger than an imprint will ever be. And the more I’m with you, the stronger it gets. I want you. My wolf wants you! We are both so in love with you and we don’t want to let you go!”

It took everything in me to resist shaking some sense into her because both my wolf and me were getting so worked up. We wanted her to believe us, to trust that we were telling her the truth.

We needed her, badly.

I watched as she swallowed before she spoke hoarsely. “J-Jake, how can anything be stronger than an imprint? I don’t…understand, is there something else?”

“No, it just is Bella! How can you look at me and not see what you mean to me? How can you not know how much I want you? I know you feel something for me, just like I feel it for you! You want me too!”

With that, I lowered my lips to hers, kissing her the way my wolf and I wanted to. It wasn’t the tentative, sweet kind of kisses we normally shared. No, this was a hungry kiss, one that devoured her mouth. I was prepared for her to struggle and she did, but only for a moment and then she was responding with as much fervor as I was.

I felt her arms folding around my shoulders as I pulled her body flush with mine. Lifting her slightly, I crushed her to me and continued to ravish her mouth. My wolf wasn’t in the mood to be gentle anymore.

He wanted to make a point.

So my mouth began to feed from hers, drawing in the sweet taste that was all Bella. I was kissing her hard, with such savage ferocity that it made me worry for a moment that I was being too rough on her. At least that was until I heard her moan, then she tightened her grip on my shoulders and wrapped her legs around my waist.

Her reaction made me growl as I let my tongue come into play. Thrusting it inside of her mouth, I plundered her like I was a starving man. Her taste only heightened the voracious appetite of my wolf side, making us look for something to push her up against so we could continue to have our way with her.

I took a few steps until she was caught between the wall and my body. Once she was trapped, I pulled my lips from hers. My wolf and I couldn’t help but grin in satisfaction to see the heavy flush on her cheeks, as well as the way she pulled in great gulps of air through her mouth.

As her breasts pressed against my chest with every deep breath, I growled at her. “Lie to me, Bella. Tell me that you don’t feel anything for me. Tell me that you don’t want me!”

Her eyes went wide as she realized that I knew the truth, that this time, she couldn’t get away from me.

“Well?” I growled.

She swallowed. “I…Jake…”

I growled again before kissing her once more. This time, I made my way down to her neck, sucking on the skin where her neck and shoulder met.

She whimpered and I knew that meant she was aroused because that special smell reached my nose. I growled as I took in a deep breath, before whispering in her ear. “I. Can. Smell. You.”

She shivered, letting me know that she understood what I meant.

I took a few more deep breaths, drawing her scent into my body, but at the same time trying to back my wolf away from wanting to take her completely. Slowly, I set her back on her feet, all the while keeping her gaze locked with mine.

When I finally stepped back from her, just enough to give her some space, I spoke again. “Now do you understand?”

She let out a little sigh, but nodded her head reluctantly. “Yeah,” she replied, her voice sounding shaky.

I stared at her for a few moments, letting my wolf calm down a little more. Finally, I lifted a hand to gently brush a strand of hair behind her ear. “Bells, I love you. Just give us a chance, okay? Stay with me. Let me be yours.”

She bit her bottom lip and I groaned. Putting my forehead against hers, I closed my eyes. I could still feel her reluctance.

“Will you at least try? Please?”

“Yes,” came her hushed response. “Yes, Jake. I’ll try.”

I sighed. “You’ll be mine, right?” I asked, making sure she understood exactly what I was asking for. “We’ll keep dating like we have been. We’ll keep letting things progress like they were before I told you about imprinting.”

“Yes,” she repeated, a little stronger than before.

I cupped her face in my hands, this time laying a quick, tender kiss against her lips. “Good,” I whispered.

She looked up at me and smiled, making me smile in return.

Inside of me, my wolf preened.

Chapter 7: Listen, Understand, Believe...and All The Words In Between

Author's Note: Starting with this chapter, I am going to have parts throughout the story where I will narrate in Jacob's POV. This chapter starts with Bella's POV, then Jake's POV will be the last part of this chapter. I have noted in parenthesis where his POV starts.


Also, because I had a hard time trying to get into Jacob's head, I had a few pre-readers for this chapter. Thanks to tayjayfan, Kraftychik and CeeCee for their help on this! :D


Saturday dawned bright and early, as if mocking my internal gloom. As soon as I was aware of the sun peeking in through my windows, I simply rolled over and tugged the covers over my head, blocking out all of the light. I wasn’t ready to get up and face the world, like I had tried to convince myself I would do the night before.

I had grieved too much, making my body hurt in places I knew would be all too visible to people like Charlie. The grief had spurred a fitful sleep, full of painful dreams and endless tossing. It was a wonder that I hadn’t cried out in my sleep the way I used too. I knew I had not because I didn’t remember Charlie ever waking me up once, the way he had those months after Edward had left.

Still, I knew he had to be home now, hopefully fast asleep after a long night of work. As I continued to lay there, listening to the silence of the house, I was glad that I didn’t have anywhere to be, no reason to get up until I was ready.

Unfortunately fate seemed to have been listening to my private thoughts since my cell phone immediately began to ring. With a groan, I rolled over and stuck my hand out towards the nightstand, feeling around until I clasped it in my hand to bring it back under the covers with me. I blinked in confusion as I realized it was Angela calling me.

“Hello?” I said, after accepting the call, grimacing at the way my voice came out sounding scratchy.

“Bella, hi! Sorry to call you so early on a Saturday!” came her anxious sounding voice.

“It’s okay, what’s up Ang?”

“Um, I know this is so last minute, but I was wondering if you were free today? I have all of these graduation invitations that I need to get done and mailed by Monday, but mom can’t help me today! So, would you be willing to help out? I’m prepared to bribe you…I’ll even bribe Jacob so I can borrow you for today!”

At Jacob’s name, my throat constricted and the gaping hole in my chest throbbed unmercifully. God, I thought, it’s happening again, isn’t it? I’m going to become a zombie again.

I cleared my throat in order to answer Angela. “No, it’s okay. He’s…busy today so I can go over and help you out. Um, what time do you want me to be there?”

“Really? Oh thanks so much Bella! How about in an hour? I’ll even have breakfast in the form of bagels and coffee waiting for you!”

I had to smile at her desperation, despite the pain I was in. I knew it would be much better for me to get out and do something instead of dwelling on something I couldn’t change.

“Okay I’ll see you in an hour then.”

“Cool! Thanks again for doing this, Bella! I’ll owe you big!”

“Don’t worry about it Ang.”

We said our byes before I hung up and tossed my phone on the bed next to me. I laid there for a little longer staring up at the ceiling, doing my best not to think about last night. I simply gazed numbly at the sunlight playing over the ceiling, trying to get the gumption to get out of bed so I could prepare myself to head over to Angela’s.

It wasn’t until I heard Charlie’s door open that I finally dragged myself out of bed while inwardly giving myself a little pep talk. I would go on with my life. I was not going to become the girl I was before. I would not fall back into such a pitiful, zombie-like state the way I had before. I would be a new person, a stronger person…and I would do this all on my own.

By the time I had finished the pep talk, I had gathered all of the things I needed to take a shower with. As I opened my door to head to the bathroom, Charlie had just been raising his hand to knock on my door.

Giving me a sheepish grin, he said, “Morning Bella. I was just going to let you know I’m headed over to Billy’s to pick him up for a bit of fishing since I’m off today. He’s been griping that I don’t spend time with him anymore.”

I had to laugh at the way he rolled his eyes at his statement. “Right, he’s nagging you like the pair of old biddies you are.”

Charlie gave me a mock wide-eyed stare. “Us? Old biddies? Nope, but I’m going anyway. Just wanted to tell you not to worry about dinner again tonight because I’m going over to Sue’s later.”

This time I raised an eyebrow at him. “Sue’s? You’ve been spending a lot of time over there lately.”

I hid the smile that threatened to come out the moment I saw the blush steal over Charlie’s face. “I-it’s not what you’re thinking! It’s just…well, she’s needed a lot of help with some things around the house and since Harry was my friend, I just…well, I just thought I’d lend a hand.”

I nodded. “Okay, dad, no problem. I’m actually getting ready to head over to Angela’s right now. I’m not sure how long I’ll be there, but I’ll keep you informed of my whereabouts, okay?”

He smiled. “Works for me. See you later, honey.”

With that, he went down the stairs and I went to take my shower.

*****************************************

Angela and I had been sitting on the floor of her room working on putting the invitations into envelopes, then writing addresses on them for about an hour when she brought up the subject of Prom.

“It’s going to be so much fun, you know! Tell me you and Jacob are going this year, Bella!”

I sighed, ignoring the throbbing pain in my torso. “I don’t think so, Angela. It’s not really our thing.”

She frowned. “You don’t have to dance, you know. Just go and hang out with all of us. It’s our last hurrah before we go our separate ways.”

I shrugged. “I know, but it’s just not us.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the real reason I wasn’t going with Jacob was because we were no longer together. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about what had happened between us. No, it was better to just move on to an easier subject.

“The only reason I went last year was because Alice and Edward wouldn’t let up about it. But this year, I can make up my own mind and I don’t really want to go. It’s really not worth it to me, Angela. I can always hang with you guys some other time, in more comfortable clothes and surroundings too.”

I said the last with a wink, hoping it would be enough to placate her.

It worked.

She giggled before nodding. “Okay, okay, I get it. I know how you are about having to dress up like that. I remember listening to you grumble about it for weeks afterwards. You kept telling us Alice made you feel like a dress-up doll.”

“Well, she did!” I laughed. “And I had a cast on my foot, mind you! You have no idea how frustrating that was!”

“Hm, well if the looks you kept shooting Alice all night were any indication, I think I get it.”

We both laughed again before she got serious again. “Um, not to bring up a sore subject, but have you talked to Alice since they left so suddenly?”

I nodded. “Actually I have. We send each other emails from time to time and I’ve talked to her on the phone. She’s doing good she says, so’s the family. She says she may come see me graduate though, so maybe I’ll see her then.”

“Really? Oh that’ll be good then.” She paused for a bit, but I knew what she was going to ask.

“It’s okay Angela. I can talk about him. Alice says Edward is doing fine too and I’m glad, but I’ve chosen not to talk to him and he’s agreed to leave me alone.”

“Was it…is it because of Jacob?” she hesitantly asked.

I shook my head, once again ignoring the pain in my chest. “No. I asked Edward to leave me alone so that I could get over him. I needed closure I guess. This was before Jacob and I started dating, although Alice told me that he was aware that I had started dating Jake.”

She nodded. “Well, at least you can still talk to Alice.”

I smiled. “Yeah, I’ve talked to Esme and Carlisle too and Alice usually keeps me up to date on what everyone else is doing, so it’s all good.”

“Good,” she replied. “I’m glad they’re okay.”

We went back to working on the invitations, turning our conversation to other easy subjects. I was glad Angela didn’t push the Prom anymore, plus she didn’t really mention much about Jacob again. It made it easier to enjoy my time with her which meant it went faster than I would have thought.

We stopped long enough to have some sandwiches for lunch before going to finish up the rest of the invitations. By the time all of them were done, our fingers were nearly numb and stained with ink. Still, I had enjoyed spending most of the day with her since it had put me in a better mood.

That good mood lasted as I said good-bye to her sometime later that afternoon and headed back home. As I approached my house, Charlie’s cruiser was gone, so I knew he was still with Billy or Sue. Yet, in the place of the cruiser was something that made my good mood disappear as the pain in my chest reared its ugly head again.

Jacob Black stood next to his bike, shifting from foot to foot, watching me slowly park my truck next to the bike.

I put the truck into park and shut it off, all without looking up at him. Last night I had told him to leave. I had hoped that he would understand what that had meant. Didn’t he get that it was over between us, that I couldn’t be with him while that thing he called imprinting remained between us?

Apparently not, because now he was there opening my door as I removed my seatbelt. “We need to talk,” he said, before stepping back to allow me some space to get out.

I let out a sigh as I slid out of the truck. “I think we said everything last night.”

Since I was looking at the ground, I could see his hands curling into fists. “No, we didn’t…and there’s still the issue of Victoria.”

I pursed my lips as I shut the door, then walked past him. “Fine, talk then.”

He followed me to the house, waiting quietly as I unlocked the front door, then following me into the living room. I set my bag down next to the couch before turning to face him, folding my arms in front of my chest.

“Okay, I’m listening,” I said.

He didn’t even hesitate to say what he needed to say. “No matter what happens, the pack is still running patrols like we said we would. And someone is always out there watching you and the house, we won’t let Victoria get to you.”

I nodded. “Okay, got it.”

When he didn’t say anything else, I glanced up at him. “Is that it?”

He stared at me, that mask I had seen before…the one I had called his Sam mask, was back.

“No, it’s not.”

I didn’t say anything else. I simply waited for the rest of what he had to say.

It took a few more minutes before he finally spoke again.

“We…I need to know…are you going to college?”

My head snapped up at that as my gaze connected with his. “What?”

His nostrils flared. “You heard me.”

I swallowed. “I…I don’t know.”

He ran an agitated hand through his hair. “Look Bella, I saw the brochures in your room.”

“They’re just brochures…”

“And I heard the conversation you had with your mom in Florida.”

I froze. So, he had heard us after all. I had wondered for a brief moment, but had let it go quickly. Too quickly it seemed.

“So, when were you going to tell me Bella?”

I looked down at the carpet. “Why would it matter now?”

I heard a soft growl before he answered. “For one, you can’t go anywhere so long as Victoria is after you since the pack can’t protect you if you leave! And…and it matters to me…because I’m not giving up on us!”

I closed my eyes. “Jake…”

“No!” he snapped. “You need to listen to me, Bells. I. Am. Not. Giving. Up. On. Us!”

I pushed past the lump in my throat. “You can still…imprint.”

“I won’t!” came his quick answer.

“You don’t know that,” I whispered.

“I know it. I feel it! And you need to believe me! Don’t you get it? I’ve fought too long and too hard for you, Bells! And I won’t let some stupid mythical nonsense tear us apart! I won’t!”

I couldn’t say anything at first. His heated words floated around us, but I had nothing to say to that. He could believe that he wouldn’t imprint on someone, but I wasn’t so sure of that. I also knew that if I let myself get any deeper into him, it would really hurt when he finally did imprint. He could swear he wouldn’t leave, but I wasn’t willing to take that chance. My heart wouldn’t survive it.

“Please,” he said, in a slightly lower voice. “Please, give us a chance, Bells. I know we can make it work. I know I can fight against an imprint.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Jacob. I can’t. I just…can’t.”

There was another long silence before he snapped. “And the fact that I love you, means nothing to you?”

I took a deep breath, tightening my arms around my chest. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what? Don’t tell you I love you? Don’t tell you that you’re killing me by not even trying to fight this with me? God, we haven’t even had the chance to be together and you’re already running!”

“I’m still here Jake.”

“You know what I mean!” he snapped. “You’re going to go away to college. You’re going to just leave without even so much as a goodbye! Why is it that you could always throw yourself so easily into him, but you can’t do it for me?”

“You don’t understand, Jacob, it’s not the same.”

“No, it isn’t! At least I can still say that I’m human!”

I couldn’t take it anymore. All of his pushing was starting to wear on me and that, combined with the pain in my chest, made me snap.

“No, you can’t! It’s the non-human part of you that’s the problem! You can stand there and promise me all you want, but you and I both know you won’t be able to resist the imprint! You won’t! And I refuse to become what I was before! I refuse to be dragged back down into that hole that he shoved me into! If I have to go away to college to make something of myself, to be whole again, then that’s what I’ll do! He tried to control me and I will not be controlled again! Not even by you!”

As I finally stopped ranting, Jacob stood gaping at me. I took deep breaths, trying to find some semblance of sanity again. The pain in my chest still throbbed, bringing me slowly back to earth until I had wrapped my arms around my chest again.

Jacob noticed it and took a step towards me. “Bells…”

I held up a hand to stop him. “No! Just…look, we’ve said all we can say. It doesn’t change anything, okay? I can’t do this with you anymore. Just go before we hurt each other any more than we already have.”

“You can’t leave, Bella.”

“I know, Jake. I’ll be here one more year. Hopefully the pack can get rid of Victoria before the time is up.”

Jacob stared at me. I knew that wasn’t what he was talking about, but I refused to go there again. Nothing was going to change, that issue would always be there so long as he remained part of a wolf pack. I also knew that now wasn’t the time to talk about the friendship we had before all of this. We may have told each other that no matter what, we’d still be friends, yet somehow I didn’t think even our friendship could survive this.

Still, that conversation was for another time…another time when we were not so hurt and angry with ourselves or each other.

I swallowed again, trying to keep my voice steady. “You should go now. I’ll…I’ll talk to you later. Just know that I’m not going anywhere just yet.”

“Bella…”

“Jacob!” I snapped, a little more harsher than I’d wanted. I took another breath and made my way to the door. Opening it, I looked up at him.

“Goodbye, Jake.”

I watched as his hands quickly balled into fists again. He glared at me for a moment before stalking towards the door. Just before he stepped outside, he turned to look at me. As his eyes met mine, I saw the anger fade away until there was nothing but hurt left behind.

“I love you,” he breathed. “I’ll always love you. No matter what you believe, I want you to know that it will always be you.”

And with those words, he left me alone again.

******************************************

(Jacob’s POV)

“Fuck!” I exclaimed as I drove my bike into La Push.

Ever since I had left Bella’s house I had worked myself up from being hurt to angry and back again. Currently I was stuck at angry. So angry I was practically foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog.

When I was around Bella, I tried to keep my cursing to a minimum, but after hanging around this long with the wolf pack, it was easy to pick up bad habits. Not that I didn’t have bad habits before, but now they seemed worse. Guess it had to do with the angry wolf gene bouncing around in my body.

Whatever it was, I found myself cursing loudly, the closer I got to home. I cursed the unknown for coming up with the imprinting thing. I cursed the Cullens for coming here and messing up my life and Bella’s. I cursed Bella for not taking a chance on me. And I cursed myself for loving her so much.

I was still silently cursing everything under the sun by the time I’d parked my bike in front of my house, but at least I wasn’t trembling with the urge to phase anymore. I was glad that I was so much better at controlling it now, but the irony was that all it took to calm me down were thoughts of Bella…or her touch.

I hadn’t told her that, but I knew it was true. One touch from her and my wolf was calm, go figure. It made me wonder though, if she was the one thing my wolf calmed to, there had to be a reason for that, right? I just wish I knew what it was.

Taking a deep breath, thinking of her once more, I made my way inside and headed to my bedroom. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I put my head in my hands and began to silently beg for what I wanted.

I wished Bella would believe me when I told her that I wouldn’t imprint on anyone else, ever. I had no idea how to make her believe me, but I know deep down inside of me that it’s true. It’s my wolf that tells me so, I can feel it. None of the pack believes what I feel, but I believe it and for me, it’s enough.

I just wish I could find some way to get Bella to understand that she’s all I want. She’s it for me, I’ll never be with anyone else because she is all I see. She’s all my wolf sees. How could I possibly reassure her that she would never lose me?

I know that if I can’t make her understand what it’ll do to me if she leaves to go to college, if she leaves me altogether, things will get bad. I can feel it. And it gets worse every time I see her, breathe her in or feel her against me.

It’s so hard to explain even to myself, but every moment I spend in her presence, it’s like an invisible thread is somehow tying my soul to hers. The more time I spend with her, the stronger that thread gets. Yet I know, if she leaves and that thread breaks, it’ll devastate me to the point that I won’t be able to recover from it, emotionally or physically.

It’s that knowledge that scares me.

I know it’s not an imprint because it feels nothing like what Sam, Jared or even Quil have experienced, but whatever it is, it has the potential to not only destroy me, but my wolf side too. Yeah, it seems more dangerous than imprinting does.

I wish Bella wasn’t shutting me out so that I could tell her all of this, but she is. I hate that she’s doing this to us, because not only do I miss being with her, but I miss my best friend. I miss talking to her about everything that is on my mind. We had promised each other that no matter what, we would be honest with each other, so I want to keep that promise by telling her what is going on inside of me. But I know right now, she won’t hear any of it.

How can I possibly get her to just listen to me? How do I get her to get past the idea of imprinting so she can see that what we have is something stronger than that?

Scrubbing my face in frustration, I sit up and look around my room when I notice that my bag is still unpacked from our Florida trip. I decided to put Bella out of my mind for the moment so that I could unpack my bag.

I tossed the bag on my bed and began to rummage through its contents. Pulling out the clothes that needed to be put in the laundry, I tossed them into a pile on the floor, then put the other stuff on a pile on the bed.

The bag was nearly empty when I finally pulled out the package that Renee had given me right before Bella and I were coming back home from Florida. She had wrapped it like a present using newspaper as the gift wrap. I had to smile at that because it was definitely something I would do if I had to give a gift to someone.

I wondered what Renee could possibly want to give me since there wasn’t a special occasion for a gift for me. Sure, she had given Bella a gift, but it was for Bella’s graduation. I, on the other hand, had nothing to celebrate.

Still, my curiosity got the best of me so I quickly tore the newspaper wrapping apart only to discover a book inside. Well, at first I thought it was a book, until I looked closer and realized it was one of those things that people used to hold photographs in.

Why would I need something like that?

Opening the cover, I saw writing on the front page. In Memory of Sarah Black.

My eyes went wide as I began to flip through the pages of the book. Renee had somehow managed to collect and organize photographs of my mom and our family through the years. Photographs she must have taken herself, or someone else took them and gave them to her to keep.

I saw pictures of my mom and dad alone, then with Renee and Charlie. I saw my mom pregnant and glowing with my twin sisters, then pictures of her with the girls as babies. More pictures of mom, dad, Charlie, Renee and baby Bella.

And then I got to the pictures of my mom pregnant with me.

She was glowing again, like she had been with my sisters. Yet, her smile seemed wider than before. There was even something in her eyes, something that grew with each picture I looked at after that. As I saw pictures of her with me as a baby, then me at various ages, I knew what that look was.

Pride.

Love.

Anyone who looked at these could see how much she loved her family. How much she lived for all of us. Looking at all of these, I could now understand why Renee had said that I had my mother’s eyes. I could see myself in them. I could see myself in her.

My throat started to constrict over this gift that Renee had given me. Through Renee’s careful preservation, I was able to see various moments of my mom’s life from the early stages of her marriage to my dad, up to the early years of my life. I even saw how she was when she was around Renee, Charlie and even Bella.

As I looked at the pictures of Bella and I playing as children, with my mom in the background, the full force of it all hit me. In those pictures, my mom was smiling as if she knew a secret none of us would ever know. A secret that seemed to please her somehow.

I swallowed against the lump in my throat as I trailed a finger over my mom’s face, then moved to trace Bella’s. As my vision turned blurry, I could feel my lips trembling along with my legs. Slowly I crumbled to the floor, leaning against the side of the bed and crushed the book to my chest.

Pain over the loss of my mother ripped through me as I desperately wished Bella was here, right now. I wanted her to see this, to share these memories with me and comfort me as I continued to miss my mom. She would understand what I was feeling right now, I knew. She would know what I needed.

Closing my eyes, I let the silent tears trail down my face as I clutched the book tighter to me, trying to hold myself together the way I would see Bella do.

Mom, I thought, I miss you so much. I miss you…and I miss Bells.

As I let the pain drag me down into oblivion, one last thought came to me. I had already lost my mother…how the hell was I going to survive losing Bella?

Chapter 6: Realizations

The week passed quickly even after I quit at Newton’s and did nothing but hang out at home under the guise of studying for finals. They were still weeks away, but thankfully Charlie didn’t ask questions. I knew he wondered why I had suddenly quit working, but he had yet to confront me about it. Still, I knew I would have to talk to him about my future soon.

I had been lucky when quitting since I thought I would have to work at least two more weeks, but when I had given my written notice to Mrs. Newton she had asked why. Once I told her that I just needed to focus on my schoolwork because I had plans to go to college, she immediately began gushing over me and told me I could go ahead and leave now with a two weeks vacation worth of pay. According to her, my education was much more important than working at her little ‘ole tourist store.

I think she was saying that for Mike’s benefit since he had been standing nearby. I knew Mike didn’t really plan on doing much once he graduated. He had never been that interested in school and I had heard he just planned on going to the local junior college instead of a university like the rest of our group was doing.

Since I no longer had to work, I spent my time mulling over what I really wanted to do after high school. I began going through brochure after brochure, trying to find something that interested me. While I loved to read, I just couldn’t see myself as a teacher given the fact that I still had to deal with a lot of supernaturally weird things in my life. It just wouldn’t be right to have a classroom full of children under my care when my life always seemed to be on the line.

I looked online for other jobs I could do that catered to the book lover in me, but again nothing really stood out. Truthfully, I loved reading for the pleasure of it so I couldn’t see myself ruining that by becoming something like an editor or a critic. The closest thing I could see myself as was a librarian, but even then I knew I would probably spend my time there just reading instead of doing my job.

Cooking was also a leisure thing for me, just like reading was so I couldn’t see myself making a career out of it either. Like housekeeping, cooking was a kind of therapy for me. A time when I let my mind think things through or simply let it relax.

After a while I gave up looking, thinking if I took a break and came back to it later maybe something would occur to me then. So in the meantime, I went back to my usual things like reading books and doing homework. Anything to pass the time I spent alone at the house while Jacob was busy with his schedule.

And he was busy.

On Monday, I had received a text from him before school. He said he was still feeling jet-lagged and asked if I was too. After school he had sent another text that he missed me already and would call when he got off from patrolling. The phone call lasted all of five minutes because even his voice was dragging and he still had some homework to do.

Tuesday was much the same way between us. It was also the day I gave up thinking of college careers for a bit and returned to my usual pastimes. By Wednesday, I was running out of books to read but forced myself to find other things in the house to focus on.

I was not going to become the old me, needing my boyfriend to come spend time with me so I wouldn’t grow bored. Edward and I had rarely spent time apart once we had started dating and that had been unhealthy for me. I had become too dependent on him, as if I needed him to justify my reason for living.

I didn’t want that to happen with Jacob, so I did my best to keep myself occupied until Jacob could come see me. I figured I wouldn’t see him until Friday, if I was lucky. Imagine my surprise when I got a call from him Wednesday, sometime after ten that night. I was just settling into bed in my tank top and fuzzy shorts with a book when my phone buzzed.

“Hello?”

“Hey Bells,” came Jacob’s tired voice.

“Jake! Shouldn’t you be getting some sleep?”

I heard him sigh. “Yeah, I will…I just…could you open your window?”

I scrambled out of bed, nearly getting tangled in the sheets, and shoved aside the curtains to see Jacob standing in his usual spot beneath the tree. Turning off my phone, I tossed it onto my nightstand then opened the window and leaned out.

“Jake, you even look tired!” I whispered. “Don’t you think this is dangerous?”

He shook his head. “I’m coming up.”

I sighed as I backed up and waited for him to slide into my room, quiet as ever. As soon as his feet hit the floor, I was tugging him towards my bed.

“You look like you can barely stand,” I mumbled as I pushed him down onto the mattress.

He pulled me down with him, trying to tuck us both under the sheets.

“Jacob!” I hissed, “What are you doing?”

“Trying to get some sleep,” he mumbled sleepily. “Come on, turn around, Bells. I’m too tired to wrestle with you.”

I gaped at him. “If you’re this tired why didn’t you just go home?”

He sighed as he went still and looked me in the eyes. “I couldn’t sleep last night, even with jet lag. Too worried about Victoria…and you. So tonight, I’m here.”

“What about your homework? Or your stuff for school in the morning?”

“Homework was done earlier. I’ll make time to go home in the morning to get ready for school.”

When I simply stared  at him, he ran his hand down my arm. “Please Bella? Just let me stay here tonight. I’ll be out of here before Charlie is up.”

I sighed and ran my hand through his hair as his eyes drooped some more. I knew it would be a bad idea to send him home in the state he was in.

Giving him a kiss on his forehead, I whispered, “Get some sleep, Jake.”

Then I turned to shut off the lamp before settling into Jacob’s arms. Jacob was already fast asleep before I laid my head next to his. I followed moments later.

******************************************

I didn’t see Jacob again until Friday night after his patrolling duties since I had woken up to an empty bed on Thursday morning. There were a few texts and very short phone calls before then, but he had let me know as soon as he was done patrolling on Friday, he was going home for a shower before coming over to my house.

Charlie was working late that night, so I made dinner just for Jacob and I. The simple meal of burgers and fries was waiting for him by the time he bounded into the house and swept me into his arms for a deep kiss. I smiled at the way he lifted me up so that I was literally dangling in his embrace, with only my arms around his shoulders for support.

My smile turned into a moan as he slid his tongue into my mouth, kissing me as if making up for the lost time. Like always, I lost myself in Jacob’s kiss even ignoring the sudden feel of the back of my legs against the kitchen counter. He moved his hands to grip my waist in order to settle me on the countertop. I buried a hand in his hair as he cupped my face, tilting my head back to kiss his way down my throat.

“Mmm, you smell good Bells…and taste good too.” The last was said as he licked the skin over my pulse.

I groaned. “Maybe…maybe you should have dinner.”

He nipped at my ear. “Can I have you first?”

I swallowed at the husky tone he just used, it was much different than before. Deeper with a hint of yearning. I don’t remember ever wanting to melt and offer myself up as his meal this badly before. I struggled to find my voice as his tongue traced the shell of my ear and his warm hands moved beneath my shirt.

“J...Jake. Please!”

His hands ghosted over my ribs, fingers brushing the undersides of my breasts while his mouth found the sweet spot behind my ear and sucked on it.

“Please what?” he murmured.

I forgot what I was trying to say as I wrapped my legs around his hips and pulled him closer to me. He wasn’t kissing my lips, but I was gasping for air as I clung to him. I felt like I was being swept away by a fierce wave in the shape of Jacob Black. I could do nothing but hang limply as I felt soft lips and warm hands move over my skin.

My hands moved to clasp his biceps as his mouth moved from my ear to my shoulder, but when his tongue swirled over my collarbone, I suddenly needed more. I needed to feel his skin beneath my own lips and hands.

Reaching down, I began tugging at his shirt, trying to get it off of him so I could touch him the way he was touching me. As I pulled back to lift the shirt over his head, he suddenly blinked as if coming out of a daze.

“Bella?” he whispered, even as I continued to tug at his shirt.

“Take it off!” I whimpered.

He grabbed my wrists, effectively stopping my movements while making me frown at him.

“What?” I grumbled.

He suddenly smiled. “Are you seriously interested in making out with me right here on the kitchen countertop?”

This time I paused as his words sunk in. Then I blushed as I realized he was right, this wasn’t like me at all. Wasn’t I supposed to be panicking?

He chuckled. “Ah, there’s my girl.”

I rolled my eyes. “You started it!”

He nodded as he leaned in to press a quick kiss against my lips. “Yeah I did, but I really thought you were going to push me away.”

I couldn’t help the growl that escaped as I folded my arms over my chest, although I couldn’t tell if it was for him or for me. “Well, I didn’t and you did.”

He smiled. “Mm, I did. So, maybe I should eat the dinner you made for me, now.”

“Yeah, you should.” I grumbled, still miffed.

He leaned in to whisper into my ear. “Then I’ll have you for dessert in your room.”

I shuddered as he licked my ear, then blushed as he moved away from me to serve himself some burgers and fries. I caught the grin he wore before he turned away from me and couldn’t help grinning too despite my blush.

When did he get so good at making me swoon? Then again, when did I stop wanting to push him away? Wasn’t it just a week ago that I was having issues with getting close to him?

I shook my head as I slid gracefully off of the counter. Oh well, the past didn’t matter. What mattered was that I wanted to be close to him and I hoped that feeling continued. There was no way either of us were going to be happy if I returned to pushing him away.

I prayed I didn’t regress.

We sat in the kitchen eating our dinner. I ate all of my burger and a few fries in the time it took Jacob to eat four burgers and two helpings of fries. Once we were done, I put away my leftovers while Jacob washed the dishes then we headed upstairs since it was nearing midnight and we were both getting sleepy.

I gathered up my night clothes and went to change in the bathroom while Jacob waited for me in my bedroom. It only took me a few minutes to do my nightly routine and change my clothes, so I wasn’t expecting much once I returned to my room. Yet once I walked through the door, I came to a standstill.

Jacob had turned off all of the lights except the lamp on my nightstand. Its light was muted by the scarf he had thrown over it, but there was still plenty of light for me to see him lying in my bed.

Shirtless.

Under the covers.

In. My. Bed.

I swallowed heavily. While I wanted to move forward with him, I didn’t want to go that far all at once, so I prayed that the shirt was the only thing he had taken off.

He gave me his smile and patted the space besides him.

“Come to bed, honey,” he said in that same husky voice he’d used earlier.

I melted…and began obeying that voice. Even while my mind was screaming at me to run the other way, my body moved towards the bed and slid in besides him when he lifted the covers. He wrapped his arms around me and settled me into his chest as he laid back. With our bodies so close together, I could tell he didn’t have on his khaki shorts.

Only his boxers.

I struggled to breathe. “J…Jake.”

He ran his fingers lightly down my arm, my body responded with goosebumps.

He kissed the top of my head before taking a deep breath. I knew he was inhaling my scent like he often did. His fingers moved back up my arm to brush my hair behind my shoulders.

“So, what did your mom get you for graduation? Or have you opened your gift yet?” he asked.

While his tone seemed more nonchalant than before there was still a hint of yearning to it. I knew better than to let my guard down. He was trying to distract me from his true intent, I just didn’t know what it was yet.

I went ahead and answered him. “A check and two picture frames. She said to put my graduation picture in both frames and then send one to her and put the other one somewhere in the house for Charlie.”

Jacob chuckled. “Wow, who would have thought she would be looking out for Charlie after all this time.”

I shrugged against his chest. “Renee can still surprise me from time to time, but I think she still cares for Charlie even though she’s not in love with him anymore. She told me to take the check and open a savings account with it. To save up for my future, she said.”

“Hm, sounds like a good idea.”

“Yeah,” I replied. “So, what did she give you?”

He sighed as he played with the strands of my hair. “Actually, I haven’t had a chance to open it yet. Even my bag hasn’t been unpacked. I’ve just been too busy or too tired to dig into my bag.”

“Oh.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes and when I was certain Jacob wasn’t going to elaborate, I asked him another question.

“So, how’s Quil doing?”

He tensed for a fraction of a second before breaking out into nervous laughter. “He seems to be enjoying almost every moment of this! I think he’s the only one of us who really likes being a wolf. Embry said he thought it was because he was finally able to be friends with us again, part of the group, but it’s more than that. We can see it in Quil’s mind when we’re phased.”

I lifted my head to look into his eyes. “You’re still not really enjoying being a wolf, I take it.”

He looked off into the distance and I could see all sorts of thoughts whirling around in his eyes. It was then that I knew he hadn’t told me everything. There was still so much more that I didn’t know, something inside of me told me that was so. Pushing my sleepiness aside, I sat up and gave him a determined stare.

“What is it?”

He still wasn’t looking at me. Whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

“Jake?” I asked, in what I hoped was just a curious voice and not full of the dread I was starting to feel.

He ran a hand through his hair before turning to look at me, sadness and worry in his eyes. “It’s just…I know I said it was better now that you know what I am, but what I am is still…dangerous for you.”

I shook my head. “No it isn’t!”

I took his hands in mine. “I know the signs Jake. I know what to look for. And you are stronger than you think you are. I trust you, you know. I know you can control yourself around me and you won’t hurt me.”

He closed his eyes and let out the breath he had been holding. “Bells… there’s…there’s still more about being a wolf that I haven’t told you.”

I frowned. “More that you’re finding out?”

I remembered that he had mentioned once that the pack was still discovering things that had been long since forgotten or never recorded.

He shook his head. “We sorta knew about this…but we didn’t think it was something to worry about…”

His voice trailed off. I hesitated for a moment before I prompted him.

“What happened?” I knew something had to happen for this to be a concern.

Jacob grimaced.

I gave his hands an encouraging squeeze. “Just tell me, Jacob. We’ll deal with it together, just like you said.”

He opened his mouth, then closed it. I could tell he was still trying to figure out how to tell me whatever it was. Finally, he blinked and looked straight at me as if it suddenly became clear to him.

“Okay, I think I need to start at the beginning for it to make any sense.”

I simply nodded, not wanting to interrupt him.

“It…it starts with Sam. His life…it was so different before he became a wolf. He was even dating someone different than Emily for a while.”

My eyes widened. I had somehow believed Sam and Emily were always together, they seemed that close to each other.

Jacob noticed my reaction and nodded. “He was dating Leah Clearwater, Harry’s daughter. They met when she was a Freshman and he was a Sophomore and dated for about three years. Then when Leah was a Junior, her plans began to change. She wanted to go to college, leave the area, but Sam didn’t. It got to be an issue between them and they realized they were growing apart, so they broke up.

This was just before Sam became a wolf. They broke up, even though Sam was still in love with Leah, then a couple of weeks later Sam disappeared. Most people thought he left because he was devastated over losing Leah…”

I swallowed, I knew the truth. “It was because he became a wolf.”

“Yeah, he had phased and since he was the first in a long time, he was alone. He had no idea what was happening and couldn’t phase back into a human for two weeks. When he came back, everyone thought he had gotten over Leah. Even Leah herself thought so. Only the council knew different…then so did Jared and Paul.”

I nodded again as I absorbed the information, but I still couldn’t see anything wrong with what he was saying. “So I guess Sam met Emily after he became a wolf?”

Jacob shook his head. “Actually, he’d known Emily before that. See, she’s Leah’s cousin and they are really close, like best friend close. So Sam had met her a few times while he was dating Leah.”

I gasped. “Really? Gosh, it must be awkward for Leah now that Sam and Emily are dating.”

Once more Jacob looked away as his voice became softer, almost a whisper. “Not really, Leah’s going away to college soon…and Sam and Emily are engaged.”

“Wow!” I breathed.

He turned to look at me and I could feel the way his hands tightened their grip on mine. “There was a bonfire…you know how our tribe loves bonfires. Emily was down visiting Leah, so they both were there…and so was Sam. He took one look at Emily and…”

He stopped there, unable to say more. I watched as he stared into my eyes, hopelessness and fear blazing into mine. A sliver of coldness ran down my spine. Something inside me told me to run, to stop him from saying anymore.

Unfortunately the masochist in me wasn’t listening.

“And?” I prompted.

He squeezed my hands some more as he clenched his jaw. “And he… imprinted… on Emily.”

I shook my head. “What…what does that mean?”

The rest was hissed through gritted teeth. “It’s a wolf thing. Imprinting is what happens when a wolf sees his mate for the first time after he has phased. There’s… a bond… that suddenly connects him to his mate. He’ll do anything, be anything for her. She becomes his… reason for living and everything else becomes second to her.”

He went silent, searching my eyes for a reaction.

I was still trying to make sense of it all. “But you said Sam knew Emily through Leah.”

“He wasn’t a wolf then. He didn’t imprint until after he phased.”

“Oh. So…so you knew about this when you became a wolf?”

He nodded. “Sam was already with Emily by then, but we were told it was a rare thing.”

I inhaled sharply. “Someone else… imprinted.”

He looked away. “Kim isn’t just Jared’s girlfriend.”

I frowned. I knew that meant both Sam and Jared had imprinted on someone before Jacob had become a wolf, but that was then. What about now?

My heart stopped in my chest as Jacob turned to me and whispered the news. “And just this week… Quil imprinted… on Claire. Emily’s two year old cousin.”

I gaped at him. “What?”

He scowled. “It’s the only thing Quil doesn’t like about being a wolf. Just when he was finally a part of the group, of something so big… he gets the wind knocked out of his sails.”

“Gosh, poor Quil,” I lamented, until Jacob’s next words knocked the air out of my lungs.

“That’s three wolves imprinting so close together. It hasn’t been heard of before. And it’s made the rest of us nervous.”

This time I had nothing to say to that. My hands went limp in his as I realized what he wasn’t saying.

He could be next.

My Jacob could imprint on someone other than me… because he hadn’t imprinted on me after he had phased, like Sam had with Emily. I knew that was the truth because if he had, he would have told me all of this earlier and it wouldn’t have put the fear and hopelessness in his eyes the way it was now.

That second hole in my chest, the one that had begun opening back when I first thought I had lost Jacob when he was first phasing, began to throb again. Instinctively I tugged my hands from his and wrapped my arms around my middle, just like I used to.

Jacob noticed this and reached out for me. I flinched away, but he was persistent, finally grabbing my forearms and pulling me to him. His face was inches from mine. His eyes boring into mine, refusing to let me go.

“Listen to me Bella! You know how I feel about you! You know! The other three imprinted not long after becoming a wolf, it’s been almost two months since I first phased and it hasn’t happened to me yet!”

I shook my head. “You just haven’t met her yet!”

“And I never will!”

Again I shook my head as I tried to pull out of his grasp. It was futile because Jacob was not only stubborn, but he was also a supernatural werewolf.

“Bells, please! I love you! Don’t you get it? I only ever see you!”

I was beginning to hyperventilate as more realizations popped into my head.

“You knew this!” I screeched. “You knew this all along and still you pursued me!”

“I didn’t think it was a problem then! I’ve been in love with you forever!”

Tears began falling down my cheeks and I was helpless to stop them. Jacob’s eyes widened at the sight of them.

“Bells…”

“You promised!” I choked out past the tears. “You promised, Jacob!”

His own eyes were misty as he answered me. “I’m still here, honey! I’m not leaving!”

I wiped my cheek as I slowly nodded. “Not yet…but you will.”

“No, Bella…”

I swallowed. “Just go.”

His hands loosened at my words, allowing me to slip out of his grasp. I got to my feet and walked to my bedroom door, pulling it open before turning to him with an upraised chin.

“Go Jacob.”

He didn’t move as his eyes pleaded with me. “You don’t mean that.”

I nodded. “It’s better this way, before it goes too far. Before…” I can’t let go, I thought.

He still didn’t move. I knew he was trying to break me down, but I knew if I didn’t let him go now, I would never be able to. And it would hurt worse in the end, far worse then it already was.

Slowly, he rose from the bed, pulled on his shorts, picked up the rest of his things and walked towards me. As he neared, he started to say something, but I shook my head and whispered.

“Just go… please.”

I could see the resignation in his eyes as he turned away from me and finally walked out of my room. I walked to the edge of the stairs and waited until I heard the front door close, signaling his absence.

With that sound, I began to wrap my arms around my middle again but shook my head against it. I was not going to become the girl I was once before. I would not fall back into such a pitiful state.

But I could still grieve.

I walked back into my room, shut the door and curled up into a fetal position on my bed before I realized it was the same spot Jacob had just vacated. It still smelled like him and his warmth from the sheets soaked into my body, triggering the release of my pain. I wrapped my arms around the pillow he’d been lying on and buried my face in it, muffling the cries that erupted from my chest. I let the pain overwhelm me, let it all come out.

I told myself I would allow myself only this night to grieve. After that, I would get up and go on with my life.

A life without Jacob Black, my best friend. My love.